Reflections

September 2012

I am the kind of girl who does not seek after or relish change.  In fact, change is really hard for me to deal with at all.  I have a comfort box, and if we are being honest, it is not very big.  I know that change is good and that it is the only way to grow.  I still don't like it.  The last couple of weeks have consisted of almost nothing but change and I have been reflecting on my life, my choices, thoughts and feelings to see where they have led me.

I left a job and people that I really liked for a job and people I don't know at all.  I believe it will be a good opportunity, but it is hard for me not to look back and wonder if I made the right choice...

 ...A Few Months Later...

January 2012

I began the post above many months ago and (shockingly!) I never finished it.  Let me do so now.  I was in a really dark place when I began writing this, and it had everything to do with how lost I was feeling at work.  If I feel lost in any portion of my life, it will bleed to the other parts.  I knew the job I left and had really wondered if I should leave that knowledge.  The answer to that question is YES!  It has taken me quite a long time to get the hang of what I am doing now, and there are still a lot of things I do not know.  What I do know, however, is that I have never been happier in a job.  I get busy and stressed just like anyone else, but I am happy.  This is a huge change.

Let me explain... When I worked at my previous job I started at the bottom and worked my way up through three different departments.  Each time I moved I was worried and skeptical (my fear of change), and each time I realized how unhappy I was in the previous position.  When I moved from the first department to the second, I realized how angry and bitterly unhappy I was all the time because I no longer felt the same way!  In fact I had so many people tell me that they were no longer afraid of me that I was a little ashamed of my behavior and wished I would have taken the opportunity to move sooner.  Then when I moved from the second department to the third, I was again worried and skeptical, but saw AGAIN how unhappy I had been!  I loved my new position so much!  I actually felt happy and motivated on a daily basis, instead of okay mixed with fury.

I loved that job, but now that I am gone, I can see what an emotion roller coaster it was for me and how much better off I am now.  I also loved the people I worked with, but I am very influenced by my environment, and I was surrounded by angry and bitter, though good, people.  I am now in a much healthier environment for my temperament and can honestly say I have not once cried, lashed out, fumed in silence or otherwise lost control of myself or my emotions.  This alone tells me I have made the right choice.

I am happy.  I love my life, my husband and my son and I could not ask for a better lot, though maybe more children....